


Lost It All

by daisywrites



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Beth Lives, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, More tags to be added, bethyl, maggie blames daryl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-18 00:59:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14842571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisywrites/pseuds/daisywrites
Summary: Daryl Dixon lost Beth Greene right when he needed her most. When he finally finds her again, he may have lost her now more than ever.A look at an au where Beth lives, and Daryl and Beth's relationship is more complicated than what we saw on screen.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first walking dead fanfiction! Please leave your comments and feedback! <3

Daryl Dixon bit so hard into his bottom lip he drew blood as he took an uneven step into the room. His head was spinning, his heart was pounding against his chest. Because he had finally found her. Had he? Where was she? He swallowed a thick lump in his throat as he looked around the room desperately, only greeted with a dimly lit hallway and these white walls around him.

She must’ve been so scared. She was kidnapped and brought here…taken away from him. When he saw these fuckers he was going to kill them for taking her, for scaring her and hurting her. Oh, if they hurt her…they wouldn’t live to regret it.

His stomach twists at the thought of what she went through. They might’ve hurt her, knocked her out and hit her up with drugs and needles and…so many bad things could’ve happened. He should’ve taken better care of her, he knows that. This is his fault. Daryl shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut. That doesn’t matter – it won’t matter, there's still time he can fix everything. 

A door opens in front of him, and Daryl practically jumps, eyes flickering straight ahead and straining to see blonde hair and bright eyes. He sucks in air through his teeth, nostrils flaring as his hands ball in and out of fists. What if she’s not here? What if she’s already gone? Daryl winces at the thought, and it feels like he was just punched in the gut. She’s okay. She’s strong, and she’s going to be okay and she's going to walk right out through that door. 

People begin coming out of the door, and Daryl holds his breath as his eyes jump from person to person, searching for Beth in the emerging crowd.

“Where the fuck is Beth,” Daryl whispers to himself desperately. His eyes scan the crowd of people – doctors and police officers, mostly, with dead-looking expressions. He can already tell none of them would go easy on a five-foot-nothin’ blonde girl, and that practically shakes him to the core. He begins to internally panic, and he turns to look at Rick anxiously. His friend is squinting, scanning the crowd as well as he looks for familiar faces. Guilt and shame washes over Daryl as he looks at all the worried faces around him.

When he looks up again, his eyes catch on a yellow shirt, blonde hair, and blue eyes.

And his heart stops.

Daryl instinctively goes to take a step towards Beth, but he forces himself to stay put. Rick begins talking with one of the officers, but all Daryl can focus on is the girl in front of him. She has a couple of cuts on her face that make his skin go cold - he’s gonna find out which one of them hurt her and personally disembowel them with one of his arrows. Or his bare hands. Whichever’s easier. But other than that, she’s okay.

 _She’s okay_.

Daryl’s heart kick-starts as a small smile tugs the corners of his lips. He’ll get to listen to that damn mouth run a mile a minute, he’ll get to see her whole face light up when she smiles and the way her nose crinkles when she laughs. His fingers twitch as he stares at her, wishing that he could run over to her right now and  give her one of those big hugs she loves so damn much. Daryl tells himself to be patient – just a few more minutes, and all will be alright again.

Rick makes the first switch. One of their people wheels over Carol, and Daryl can’t help but crack a grin at the sight of his friend. Thank God she’s okay – thank God they’re _both okay_ , because those damn women are the two most important girls in his life. Carol smiles at him from her wheelchair, and Daryl is sure to wheel her the rest of the way to safety before he turns around again. There’s only one more switch left to make.

The officer grabs Beth by the elbow before she begins walking her down the narrow hallway. Daryl watches as Beth’s eyes scan their crowd, and his heart jumps as he realizes that she’s looking for him. When those big blue eyes land on his, he stops breathing for a couple of seconds. The look in her eyes – it gives it all away. Daryl raises an eyebrow and smiles at her – he just can’t help the smile that graces his features, and then she’s smiling back at him. And in that moment, he feels like he’s home.

Beth leaves Rick’s side, and in a minute that bright smile is directed at him again. A small laugh bubbles out of Daryl’s throat before he opens his arms, and Beth runs into them. He practically swings her around, picking her up off her feet as he hugs her for all he’s got. And he doesn’t care that he’s supposed to be badass Daryl Dixon, and he doesn’t care that the people around him are looking at them like they’re crazy. He doesn’t give a single fuck, because he _found_ her and she’s back in his arms.

“I told ya you’d miss me, didn’t I?” Beth whispers, eyes shining as she grins at him.

“You said I’d miss ya when you’re gone,” Daryl smirked at her, voice choked up, “And ya ain’t gone, are ya? You think I wouldn’t getcha back?”

Beth opens her mouth to say something, her arms still wrapped around Daryl’s neck and his around her waist, when she gets cut off.

“Now I just need Noah.”

And then it all falls apart, and he’s lost her again.

* * *

Daryl’s eyes were clouded with tears as he looked up at the linoleum of the hospital ceiling. His blunt fingernails dug into the creaky wooden bench underneath him as he blinked, a couple of the tears he was holding back flittering down his cheeks which he quickly and furiously wipes away. This was bullshit. Absolute, utter bullshit.

He had to wait outside while they operated on Beth. At least she got shot in a hospital – at least some of those asshole doctors actually had the decency to help the rest of ‘em do what they could. Daryl wasn’t stupid – Beth had gotten shot point-blank in the head. He’s seen it happen before too, in the days where he and Merle got involved in the shadier sides of things, where they weren’t just snortin’ and blowin’ but actually dealing it out too.

It never affected him before. Not really. He didn’t know the drive-by’s he saw, or the people they took out back who owed too much money.

He knew her. Much more than he should’ve ever let himself get to know her.

So here he sat outside her hospital room, waiting. They had been going at her all night, and he didn’t want to leave her side. It was Maggie who took him out here, Maggie who said he needed some air and they needed the space next to Beth’s bed he was taking up. It was his idea to operate – when the doctors said there was nothing they could do, that Beth was gone, Daryl had held his crossbow to their heads and told them if Beth didn’t wake up, neither would they. He checked her for a pulse – and somehow, his little badass still had one. All he had to do now was wait.

Daryl scrubs at his eyes, letting out a breath of air. He looks over, where the officer who shot Beth lies dead on the ground. He shot that bitch the moment his brain kicked back up – wishes he could shoot her again, too. He feels the bench creak next to him, and he nearly scrambles away, on edge and not wanting to talk to anybody. He’s met with Glenn’s tired, red-rimmed eyes, a cigarette extended to Daryl in his left hand.

“Hey, man. Thought you might, uh, want this.”

Daryl glares at him before taking it swiftly, grumbling lowly, “You got a light?”

“Yeah. One sec.” Daryl glances over to see how hard Glenn’s hands are shaking, and it takes a couple tries for him to light the lighter. “Here.” He holds it underneath Daryl’s cigarette, and he mutters a thanks before lighting it.

Neither of them say anything for a while. Daryl can tell they’re both playing everything back in their heads, and he hates it. Hates seeing Beth leave his arms in slow motion and walk over to the cop, seeing her eyes roll back as she’s shot in the head, and her body crumble to the ground. He sucks in a large puff of smoke, holding it in until it stings.

“Daryl,” Glenn says gently, picking at his fingernails, “I…I’m s—”

“Save it,” Daryl snaps, free hand practically crushing the bench underneath him. “Don’t want your fuckin’ _sympathy_.”

“I know you don’t,” Glenn says a bit more firmly, “But I wanna, y’know, give it to you anyways.”

“Why? Huh?” Daryl snaps his head over to him, tears he refuses to let fall brewing up again in his eyes, “You like seein’ me like this? Goin’ out of my mind? Beth’s in there with a bullet in her brain and you think your apology’s gon’ make it better?” 

“Nothing can make it better,” Glenn holds his hands up helplessly, and Daryl deflates a bit, “I know that. I-I know if Maggie were in there, I just wouldn’t wanna be out here alone a-and waiting for the word.”

Daryl takes another drag off his cigarette, head rolling on his shoulders. He finally mutters, “Maggie’s yer wife. Beth ain’t mine.”

Glenn doesn’t say anything for a long time. Daryl looks away bitterly, listening to the groan of the walkers down the hall, and the pattering of the rain on the leaky ceiling of the hospital.

“I saw how you two looked at each other,” Glenn’s voice is so quiet Daryl doesn’t hear it at first, but he goes completely rigid when he does.

Daryl sharply intakes a breath, cheeks heating up as he looks at his hands, “You don’t know nothin’ about it.”

“I know,” Glenn pats Daryl’s shoulder, and he flinches, “I just know she means a lot to you. To all of us. And we’re here for you, no matter what happens in there.”

Daryl looks over at him, and he thinks about bitching him out again. Telling him he doesn’t know the half of it, and he needs to stick his nose out of things he doesn’t understand. What happened between him and Beth…that isn’t anybody’s business but their own. A story that ain't never gonna get told to anyone but the two of them. Instead, Daryl’s shoulders slump, and he nods weakly, mutters something incomprehensible and takes another drag off his cigarette. They sit out there for a while, together, and Daryl is secretly thankful he’s not alone.  Even though being alone, he thinks, is how he’s just meant to be.

He doesn’t know how long it takes for the door to swing open – the windows are all boarded up, but he can see cracks of sunshine, so he must’ve been up all night. Glenn’s passed out on the bench, but when the door opens,  Daryl jumps straight to his feet. He must look like shit, and probably smells like it too, because Maggie takes a step back. 

She looks at Daryl with something in her eyes that stops him cold. He can't place it, but it ain't good. "You," she glares at him, tears stinging her eyes as she storms forward, "Daryl Dixon."

The way Maggie's looking at him is like an arrow through the heart. He knows exactly why, too, and he tries to ignore it. “What’s the word, woman,” Daryl demands more than asks, trying to push past her and get into the room. Maggie grabs him by the shoulders and shoves him back the best she can, voice still licking with fire, “She’s ain’t doin’ too hot, Daryl. Surprised?" 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Daryl growls, licking his bottom lip to try and stop it from trembling. "Fuck, you think I wanted this, Greene?"  

Maggie's eyes are full of tears now, and she jabs a finger against his chest, "YOU were supposed to protect her! You can protect a whole damn prison, but not my sister? Why wasn't she important enough to you?"

Daryl practically sees red. He storms over to Maggie with a look on his face she's probably never seen before, because he can see fear flash through her determined eyes. He grabs her by the shoulders, "Don't you take your shit out on me, woman. Beth is the most fuckin' important person I ever met, and I woulda taken that bullet through my own head if I could get it outta hers." 

"Well if you want what's good for her, then you leave her  _alone_ if she gets outta this alive," Maggie snarls. "I don't know if playin' house with her when y'all were alone softened you up on her-"

Daryl hisses, "Playin' house?! What the fuck do you think we were doin'-

Maggie continues, "-or  _what_ you think you feel about my baby sister, but if you want her safe and healin' then I need to keep her away from danger." 

"And I'm danger?" Daryl growls, hating how hard her words hit him, hating that she doesn't even know how much he blames himself already. Maggie doesn't reply, and Daryl lets go of her arms. He looks down at his feet, grinding out through clenched teeth, "Just tell me how she is." 

Maggie's voice is cold, and she's turned away from him. “Crashed a couple times, one of ‘em we thought she wasn’t gonna come outta it." His throat works, and she continues before he asks her to, “But she ain’t crashed in a while. On her way to bein’ stable, they think, if she wakes up from the coma.”

Glenn repeats worriedly, snapping their attention to him, “ _If_ she wakes up?” Hell, Daryl forgot he was even there. 

“They ain’t too hopeful…” Maggie looks at Glenn sadly, face softened for him, and Daryl feels a wild helplessness that he was getting all too familiar with. Daryl's hands clench into fists, and he spits, “They ain’t too hopeful? Well I sure as hell am! Beth’s a fuckin’ _fighter_! She been provin’ that time and time again and y’all still blind as hell!”

Glenn looks at him pitifully again, and that only spikes the fire in his heart harder, “Daryl—”

“She survived alla this!” He gestures all around him, “The damn end of the world! And she gets sh-shot in the _head_ ,” he chokes off, “And she’s still kickin! Damn it!”

Daryl storms off, past both of them. When he makes it outside, he grabs his crossbow and starts shooting walkers.

  
It’s gonna be a long wait for Beth to wake up.

 


	2. Something Missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect frequent updates, I'm on a roll!

Everything's black, until it's not. 

Her eyes open, and the whole world shakes around her, tearing at the edges and threatening to crack and fall apart if she dares to blink. Everything warps and swims, and she can hear something - twisted voices, trying to talk to her. She feels the sensation of a hand on her shoulder, shaking her, but she can't seem to muster up the strength to respond. One thing really registers to her, though - she reaches out a hand, fingers twitching, like someone should be there to hold it. 

She feels a hand instantly clamp around her own, strong and rough yet trembling mightily.

Her eyes close again, and the world is back to darkness. 

She doesn't know how much time spans until the next time she opens her eyes, but the world feels more stable and less like it's going to shatter if she moves. She mutters something, head rolling, which kind of sends everything back into confusing waves. She should probably try not to move too much, if she knew what was good for her. When she settles her sights forward, blinking away the blurriness, she can make out the room. It was nice enough - soft-colored walls, an unmoving clock on the wall, flowers that looked handpicked on a small drawer in the corner. It was pretty poorly lit, besides the glow of candles somewhere out of her line of vision. 

Then she realizes she's not alone. She didn't really have a choice, as a woman with shorter brown hair and watery green eyes pops in front of her, looking in shocked disbelief and like she's about to cry as she reaches out and puts hands on either side of her face, "D-Darlin', you awake? H-How do you feel?" 

"I think so," she replies, voice unfamiliar to her own ears, "I-I..." The world tilts, and she winces, "Feel real strange...like someone went n' stuffed my head full of cotton..."

She didn't even say anything of any relevance, but it might as well been the most astounding thing in the world to the woman in front of her. She chokes out a sob and gasps, tears rolling, "I-I never thought...never thought I'd hear your voice again..." 

The woman crushes her into a hug, which the doctors behind her instantly advise against. She just sits there limply, unsure how to respond to a stranger crying and hugging her, but she feels a pang of guilt, so she weakly lifts a hand and pats the woman's back. The woman pulls back and grabs her hand, bunching it up and kissing the back of it and laughing weakly, "Beth, you sure had us scared straight...you're our little fighter, huh? That's what mama always used to--"

"I'm sorry, um...who's Beth?" she hears her own voice ask, and then the smile drops straight off the woman's face, happiness snuffed out as quick as it had came. 

* * *

Daryl watches with baited breath as Maggie walks out of Beth's room. He hasn't seen her what felt like days - she's been fussin' over her sister so much in there, saying how she could just  _feel_ Beth was going to wake up soon, and she needed to be there for her when it happened. Daryl gladly would've been there - he'd forced his way into that room days ago, watched her face as she slept and talked to her when the room was cleared out. He hoped she could feel him there; hoped she realized he'd never leave her, not again. 

Maggie had managed to usher him into the halls a little while ago, though - Daryl knew she wasn't exactly keen on him, but with the combined forces of Glenn's talking her down and Daryl's shoving his way into the room, she couldn't do much to keep him out. Maggie had said she needed him in the hall, needed to help the doctors work on Beth as if she knew anything about the medical field other than watching her daddy operate on pigs, and Daryl promised through his teeth he'd make his way back in when he felt like it. Which was right now, so it was good she was out here with some sort of word, hopefully. He couldn't stand waiting, and this felt like it was taking an eternity. 

"Well?" Daryl jumps to his feet again, fingers twitching restlessly at his side. Maggie doesn't say anything for a couple seconds, just stares at him. Daryl's heart thuds and drops to his feet at her expression, blood running cold as his throat works. He croaks out, "Maggie? What happened?"

Maggie shakes her head, and starts to walk past him. He feels a wild helplessness, a strangling panic throttle him as he grabs her wrist. She turns to look at him, eyes teary, and if Daryl had ever claimed nothing scared him he couldn't anymore, because the miserable look in Maggie's eyes just about terrified him. He doesn't get to ask her again before she closes her eyes, "Beth's up." 

"Wh-? She is?" Daryl blinks, dropping Maggie's wrist like it's on fire. He takes a step back incredulously, "What the hell are you lookin' so sad about, then? A-Ain't that a good thing?!" 

"Yes, it's good she's awake!" Maggie snaps, tears flittering down her cheeks, "I-It's just-" 

Glenn runs over, gently grabbing Maggie's wrists and asking her a thousand questions, and Daryl isn't waiting a second longer for her to explain to him what's going on. He turns on his heel and storms straight toward Beth's room, straight past everyone who was making their way over to check on her, and to the door. He pauses outside of it, however. He flashes back, thinks to Beth's body jerking backwards with the force of the bullet, the blood splattering as she hits the floor and her golden hair stained a dark red. He thinks about what went through his mind, right then - _no,_ _not her, anyone but her -_ and he thinks about the moment he realized he had to keep going in a world without Beth in it, that he'd really lost her for good. He didn't even really believe it was real, that she had really survived - it was his biggest fear he was correct in her being gone, and his biggest hope that this fucked up world would finally prove him wrong. The other side of the door held the answer. 

He pushes it open with trembling hands, one dirty boot stepping foot in the room with its twin followed behind. The door swings shut behind him, and he turns his eyes forward. 

And there she is. 

Her eyes are  _open_ , bright and blue and looking at a cup of flowers Maggie must've picked at her bedside table. Her hair is short now - kind of patchy, after all the operations, but still that golden ocean that Daryl wants to run his fingers through and get lost in. She has cuts and bruises on her face, and he still wants to find and end whoever put them there. But for now, here she-

Her eyes turn to him, meet his. The eyes he never expected to see open again, staring at him. He feels like he could drop to his knees and cry right there. 

She looks at him, head tilting, eyes blinking. He stares back, like a deer in headlights, knees feeling like they're going to give out and head feeling like it's going to float off his shoulders. He feels like if he says something, it'll all shatter like a dream, and he'll be back there standing as the gun's raised to her head and this will all be some sick grief-driven delusion. She doesn't say anything, just holds out a hand to him. He licks his lips, heart jackhammering in his ears, as he takes a few more shaky steps forward. He hesitates, trying to control himself, then puts his hand in hers.

She looks at his hand in hers for a long time, and he knows she can feel it shaking. When she looks back at him, is when he sees it. Sees how searching, yet empty her eyes are, and his heart stops cold in his chest. Before he's even able to get a word in, he hears her say, "I know you, huh?"

Daryl nearly faints. He stares at her, the world going much too slow, "T-That a question?" 

She nods, and even that alone seems to pain her, "I don't remember much, I guess. My head's killin' me, and I'm in a hospital, so I'm guessin' there was an accident?" 

Daryl has to lean against the rails of her hospital bed because the world is spinning too fast. He swallows, "Ain't no accident. Got shot in the head." He looks back at her, wetting his trembling bottom lip, "You...you really don't remember nothin'?" 

"Not even my own name," she replies with a small shrug of her shoulders, as if it's no big deal. "The lady who was just in here before you, she called me-"

"Beth," Daryl breathes, his eyes locking with hers, "Your name. Beth Greene." 

"Beth Greene," she repeats to herself, looking at her hand in his again. Daryl feels the situation hit him, the hysteria rise as he chokes out helplessly, "That  _lady_ is your big sister. Y'all grew up together your whole life, and you don't remember her?" 

Beth shakes her head blankly, and Daryl feels like he's a kid again, wanting to throw a temper tantrum that he knows will get him belted but he doesn't care, because he can't handle it, can't hold in the pain and the frustration-

He takes his hand out of hers, and he turns away. Doesn't let her see his face crumble, or the way his eyes squeeze shut as he tries to fight off the onslaught of emotions that seem to barrel at him faster than a bullet through the head. He takes a step towards the door, and he hears her voice, "Wait-" 

He turns his head just slightly, still not facing her but letting her know he's listening. 

She pauses, "You never told me your name. I-I feel like I should know it. I-I know I do." 

He sucks in a breath through his teeth, "You're better off not knowin'." 

"But-"

"I'll be back," He mutters, and he finds himself walking out of the room. He doesn't want to leave her side, but it was too much for him, in that moment. Daryl likes to think, sometimes, when he's fooling himself, that he's strong. That he can kill a man without a second thought, that he could blow up a herd of walkers with a bazooka if given the chance. But in there, with her, he's exactly as falling apart as he knows he is. 

He passes Maggie, and he can feel her eyes snap to his. "Daryl, did she-"

"Nope." He keeps walking, hands jammed in his pockets.

Maggie's voice trembles, "W-Where are you going?" 

"Walk," he replies briskly, and doesn't say another word as he turns the corner, out of sight from everyone else. As soon as they can't see him, his back hits the wall, and he slides down, face in his hands and his heart in pieces at his feet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus the feels trip begins >:)


	3. Angel Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow three chapters in three days I'm cookin...please leave your comments and thank you for the comments and kudos!

Daryl isn't sure what to do at this point - he's never really had a knack for knowing what to do. He's followed Merle begrudgingly, yet loyally, through shit that's gotten both of them on the bad side of their daddy's belt, the bad side of a jail cell, and the bad side of the end of the world. He's listened to Rick, gone with the flow of their little "family" and just lived to survive. He's had to take charge, sometimes, but he's never really seen himself as a leader-type. More like a black sheep, or a lone wolf. 

Lone wolf...that certainly rings true as he sits next to Beth's hospital bed, picking at his dirty-as-sin fingernails and looking anywhere but her. He hasn't felt this alone in a long time. He feels alone for a lot of reasons. He feels alone because he knows he's the only one who remembers - really  _remembers_ \- what happened between him and Beth, during that time it was just the two of them against the world. He feels alone because she's here, yet she's not. 

He stayed away, but never far, after he first left her room. He stayed in earshot, so he'd be the first to hear if anything was going wrong in there. People filed in and out, walking in hopefully and walking out gravely confused. He just should be happy she 's alive. He keeps telling himself that. And he  _is_ , Lord knows he's happy she's alive. He just wants all of her back. 

Once Maggie and Glenn said their goodnights, Daryl only waited a few minutes before silently walking back into her room. Beth looked tired as hell, a hand over her eyes and a frown tugging on her bow lips. He didn't say anything, just sat down in a chair, looking at her. She fell asleep like that, hand over her eyes, and Daryl had felt the tears come to his eyes as he watched her breath even out, the frown disappear to be replaced with the contentedness of sleep.

He didn't sleep at all, just watched the door, watched her. Hours later, he realized she was awake, and looking at him. And now, he has no idea what to do, how to handle this. She just kinda stares at him, and Daryl looks down, and lets her take him in. The silence goes on for what seems like forever, and then her soft voice asks, "What're you doin'?"

Daryl doesn't look at her, "Keepin' watch." 

"Watching for what? You think someone's gonna break into my room or somethin'?"  

He realizes she might not even know she's in the middle of the damn apocalypse. He sucks in a breath - the kid's had enough surprises for one day. She'd find out. But not tonight. He shrugs a shoulder, "Y' never know." 

"Don't think I got anything anybody's gonna wanna steal." He looks up at her, and she looks thoughtfully at the table next to her. "Think all I've got to my name are my cup flowers. Maggie told me she picked 'em for me. I think I must like flowers, 'cause I could just stare at 'em all day." 

"Daisies," Daryl finds himself muttering, and she tilts her head at him. 

"Huh?" 

His face flushes, and he shakes his head, "Nothin. You just like daisies, is all." 

"Oh," she says softly. "And you know that, huh?" 

Their eyes meet, and she must see something there, because her dark eyelashes blink a few times, lips parting. His eyes travel there, to her lips, where he instantly stamps away the urge to reach forward and crush his lips against hers, feel the sweet pull of her bottom lip against his before he sucks it into his mouth. He shakes his head, nose twitching as he breaks the eye contact, "I do. Ain't no big deal."

"I wish I could remember what a daisy looks like," she sighs, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. "It's awful, not knowin' anything. I can't even put a face to my own daddy." 

Daryl can put a face to her daddy. He can see her daddy's face hanging off his neck, head chopped straight from his shoulders. And he can see Beth's face too, when it happened. The way her jaw dropped, and her eyes filled with unimaginable horror as a scream tore through her throat. Now, though, Beth is empty of knowing that pain. She doesn't know her daddy, how she so clearly was the apple of his eye and how she worshiped the ground he walked on.  

"Give yourself some time, girl. You'll remember," Daryl says, hoping she doesn't realize he's trying to convince himself more than her. 

"I hope so," she sighs. And then she _smiles_ at him, and it damn near stops his heart. She grins, "I hope I remember your name, if you're so set on havin' me figure it out myself. I--" She cuts herself off, smile instantly replaced with a look of worry, voice soft, "Hey, you okay?" 

Daryl didn't realize there were tears rolling down his cheeks at the sight of her smile. He nods briskly, face burning as he quickly wipes them away, "Dust in my eyes. This room's dirty as hell. I, I...listen, I'm sorry I woke ya, I'll go watch from the hall-"

"No," she instantly says, and it's like a pause button is clicked on Daryl's emotional break. He just swallows thickly and blinks at her, "No?" 

"I want you to stay." She smiles again, "In case someone tries 'n steals my flowers."  

Daryl sniffles, he fuckin' _sniffles_ , and swipes at his eyes again. He says roughly, "Fine by me. B-But no more talkin', you need your sleep." 

"Ain't you gonna sleep?" 

"No." 

Maybe she remembers how stubborn he can be, because she settles on her pillow, and closes her eyes. "Alright...." she whispers, "Goodnight."

"Daryl." 

Her eyes open, and they land on him, "What?" 

"My name. It's Daryl. Daryl Dixon." 

She looks content for the first time in so long, and it's like a fist strangling his heart. She smiles, eyes closed, "Sweet dreams then, Daryl."  

He mumbles in response, body blushing from his toes to his head, at the sound of her saying his name. And then she's sleeping, almost instantly. 

Daryl's head is back in his hands, pulse jumping in his throat as he wonders what the fuck he's going to do.

* * *

Beth isn't sure what to do at this point. She didn't even know her name until a week ago, and her mind feels as fuzzy as the peaches they've been feeding her for breakfast. She's seen a lot of new faces that are faces she's been told she's supposed to recognize. So, she's just been going with the flow. 

Apparently, she has a sister. Her name's Maggie, and she's real sweet - pretty brown hair, green eyes that always get all watery around her, and a smile that does make Beth feel like she's at home. Maggie's husband's name is Glenn, and Beth's happy that her sister has someone who's so good to her - the two of them seem like they're really in love, and seeing them together puts a longing in her heart, like she's lost something and hasn't found it yet. 

She's met tons of other people - people she wishes she could remember, and she knows they're wishing right back at her that she would just know them already. It's frustrating to have people care about her, and to not even know them. They've all told her stories, stuff about her life and how they know her. Rick, his name was, and he told her she's practically been raising his baby for him. Sure enough, the baby reached its small arms out to her, and clung to her like Beth was her mother. It brought tears to her eyes, and she didn't even know what she was crying about. 

Everyone told her stories, except one person. The man who she can see standing outside her room alone during the day, and sits next to her bed quietly all night and protects her while she sleeps. His name is Daryl, and he has angel wings on the back of his vest that are oddly fitting to the way he watches over her. He doesn't talk much but she knows he has a lot to say by the way he looks at her. He's the one person she actually  _wants_ to talk to - she wants to know how exactly she knows him, and why he feels like he needs to protect her in her hospital bed. But she doesn't ask, and he certainly doesn't tell. Looking at him...she's never felt so familiar with someone else, and she doesn't know why. She wants to  _know_. 

All she knows about him is his name is Daryl Dixon, he knows a lot about her, and he looks at her like she's the missing piece to a puzzle he's been trying to solve. 

She starts getting impatient every day for everyone to file out, and for Daryl to slump into his usual seat and mutter responses to the conversations she tries to carry with him. However, one day, he comes earlier, before it's even afternoon. His boots leave grimy trails on the white floor, and he puts a hand on his hip and runs the other through his hair stressfully. Beth watches the muscles in his arms move for just a second, and then his voice snaps her out of it, "We gotta get movin, girl." 

"Movin'?" Beth repeats in confusion, "To where? Are they kicking me out?" 

Daryl snorts, "No. We've just gotta pick up and go. Listen, uh..." Daryl sits on the edge of her bed, and it's the closest to her he's ever been. Usually he sits in his chair, and never comes closer than that. She likes this, and tries to sit up straighter. Her head spins, though, and Daryl notices, gently holding up his hands like he's going to push her back, but he doesn't touch her. "Don't get all stirred up now. Just gotta...'splain some things." 

"What things?" 

"Well..." Daryl scratches his head, "Does the word 'walkers' ring a bell?" When Beth shakes her head, he mutters some curse words under his breath. "I don't know how to say it, so I'ma just spit it out. We livin' in a world of the dead, Beth. We're all infected with this shit," he pats at his chest for some reason, as if she can see the infection crawling through his skin, and she winces, "And when we die, it kicks on in and our bodies keep on walkin', keep on eatin' and killin'. Call 'em walkers. If you get bit, you turn. And they're, uh, everywhere, so it's real dangerous out there."

She just stares at him, trying to absorb this. She has her first flash of a memory - a flash of her sister in flannel pajamas, about ten years younger and bouncing with excitement to watch a scary movie. It's gone as quick as it comes, and Beth pinches her temples, "I think I'm rememberin' some bad movies I used to watch as a kid. That sounds like 'em." 

Daryl snorts, "Yeah. The end of the damn world ain't pretty."

"I feel like I'm in some sort of crazy dream...no memories, the end of the world..." she shakes her head, "I might be better off not remembering, huh? I've probably seen some crazy things worth forgettin'." 

"There's been a lot worth rememberin', too," he says so quietly she almost doesn't hear it, but it makes her heart hammer in her chest, as if she should know what he meant. He suddenly looks more serious when his eyes meet hers, and she can see the muscles in his throat work as he swallows, "I'm gonna protect you out there, alright? You don't gotta worry this time. I..." He trails off, clearly unable to continue, and Beth desperately wants him to. Wants him to explain why he said she doesn't have to worry  _this time_ , and why he looks so scared at the thought of her back out there. 

"I ain't worried," she finds herself saying, "You said you'll protect me, right?" 

He nods wordlessly, looking at the sheets on her bed he has gripped like a lifeline in his hands. "Just stay with the group, alright? And don't get outta my sights." 

"Okay," she says dutifully, and that doesn't make him look any less nervous, but it does seem to satisfy him. They both turn, when the door creaks open, and Rick and Maggie are standing there. She sees her sister's eyes narrow at Daryl, and his eyes won't meet hers. 

"Beth," Rick's voice says in its gentle timbre, "You about ready to get goin'?" 

"Yeah," she tries to push herself up again, but the world tilts and spins. Daryl looks about sick with worry, and Rick seems concerned as well as he asks, "There a problem?" 

"Just a little dizzy," Beth tries to say as casually as she can with her vision spinning. 

"I can carry her," Daryl says roughly, and his face flushes. Maggie's eyes narrow further, but Rick seems to think it's a good idea, nodding and telling Daryl to meet them all at the hospital's exit. Maggie lingers a second, letting Beth know if she needs anything just to holler. Once the room is empty, the two of them sit there, and Beth reaches out her arms to Daryl. His eyes jump from her face to her arms, and back to her face again, and he stands up and cracks his back. He grumbles before pushing the sheets off of her, and she feels her cheeks burn a bit as his arms slide around her, picking her up and carrying her bridal-style. 

"Haven't held you like this in a while," Daryl mutters, more to himself than to her, she thinks. She looks up into his eyes, really looks, and can see they're a glassy through the fringes of his hair. She wants to ask him what the last time he held her was like, but instead, she asks, "You think you'll be able to fight off 'walkers' holdin' me this way?" 

He mutters, kicking open the door, "I'll figure it out." 

"My sister don't seem to like you much," Beth notes. Daryl grunts in response, shrugging, "Not many people do. 'M used to it." 

"Well," Beth doesn't know why she gets so upset at the idea of Daryl thinking nobody likes him, but the words tumble out of her mouth, "I like you. And I can tell I liked you before I lost my memory, too. So that should count for somethin', right?"  

He nearly drops her. But he doesn't, holding tighter, and she doesn't think he's going to reply, until she hears a very soft, "It does." 

They meet with the group, and then Rick pushes open the doors, and she's in his arms and ready to face the new world in front of her. 


	4. Connection

Daryl has held Beth, this way in his arms, many different times. The most recent of which, she had just been shot in the head, and he had rushed her into one of the hospital's rooms and demanded them to operate on her. He had been crying openly - something he never really did, but he didn't even care to try not to in that moment. The tears were flowing down his cheeks, his voice a raspy hiccup as he hugged her limp body close to his chest before setting her down on the table. He didn't let go of her until they started prepping her, he downright refused, because he was sure this would be the last time he touched her while she was still breathing. They had to get Rick and Tyreece to pry him away from her, and he was practically fighting them to get back next to her. 

Now, he walks out the hospital doors, the light blinding him for a second. It must be too much for her, too, because she hides her face against his chest. 

"You alright?" He asks gruffly, boots crunching against the gravel as he starts taking steps. She makes an affirmative noise, muttering something about it being too bright. He doesn't reply, his eyes burning as he checks every possible angle for danger.  _Nothing_ was getting to this woman again, not if it wanted to get torn apart by his bare hands. Daryl whistles to Rick, who's got his weapon held up, and looks over at him. "Cover us," Daryl says lowly, and Rick nods and moves closer. 

It doesn't take long for them to spot a herd of walkers. Daryl's hands itch to grab his crossbow, but he'd be damned if he puts Beth down. She peels her face away from his vest, and he hears the choked gasp in her throat at the sight of them. Having to rediscover walkers, he'd imagine, wouldn't be fun. 

"Oh my," Beth whispers, hands like claws in Daryl's vest. Daryl's nostrils flare as he keeps walking, "Don't worry 'bout 'em." 

"They're... _people_...dead people. Why are dead people-" Beth shakes her head, and he can hear the horror in her voice. Daryl's hands tighten around her in a way he hopes is soothing, but his voice is still rough, "They ain't people, girl. Don't start thinkin' like that again."

"They used to be," she whispers, weak finger pointing to one of them in the herd, "Th-That was someone's daddy. Someone's brother. Someone's-"

"He ain't that anymore," Daryl snaps, and he can see her eyelashes flutter out of surprise through the corner of his eye. "He'll rip ya to shreds if you get too close. He'll  _turn_ you. You gotta understand that." 

"Has anyone you ever loved been turned?" 

Daryl's eyebrows knit, and he feels his teeth clench. He breathes out through his nose, faces flashing through his eyes as he looks down. Beth's hands splay out on his vest, and she says softly, in that voice that drives him crazy, "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" 

"Just quiet down now," Daryl lifts his eyes again, hoping she can't see the hurt there, "Gotta concentrate." 

She nods, and doesn't say anything the rest of the walk. 

* * *

Daryl Dixon, she decides, is a much more complicated individual than she thought. Which is crazy, because right from the get-go she knew he was a complicated person. It's written all over him, flowing through his eyes and on the tongue he pushes to the roof of his mouth to keep quiet, even when he wants to talk. 

She doesn't understand the world she's woken up in. She doesn't understand it for a lot of reasons, doesn't even know who she is, but she really doesn't understand what's turned everything so upside down. Dead people are walking around like the living - she watched all day, clinging tighter than she'd like to admit to Daryl, as they limped by, the soulless shells of people. She watched as Rick and Michonne and the woman who claims to be her sister stab them through the head, take down entire herds like it's nobody's business. It doesn't make any sense, but it does scare the shit out of her. What can she do but accept it? 

She looks up at Daryl - so strong and rough yet secretly so soft - and she feels like her heart is being shattered to pieces at the thought of him being one of those walkers. She feels like she's connected with him more than anyone, even her own sister, and she doesn't know why. The more she looks at him, the more she can feel memories surfacing that she can't quite distinguish yet, but she  _knows_ they're there. 

Daryl doesn't put her down for a second, not even after hours and hours of walking quietly. He looked so focused, so ready to take down anything that could hurt them, so she leaves him to it, and keeps quiet. The sun is setting with they come across something that isn't a walker - he's a man with kind eyes who starts talking to Rick. The two of them walk away together, talking about something, which gives the group some time to rest. 

"You wanna put me down?" Beth asks, finally breaking the silence. Daryl looks down at her, arches an eyebrow slightly, "You think you can stand?" 

"I think so," she says, the uncertainty evident in her voice. "You've been carryin' me for a long time, I thought you might wanna-"

"Nah," Daryl says instantly, looking forward again. He leans against a tree, and readjusts his grip on her. "I'm fine. Ain't puttin' ya down til we're somewhere safe." 

_Why_ , she wants to ask.  _Why do you care so much about my safety? What am I to you? Why did you say I didn't have to worry 'this time?'_

She doesn't ask any of the questions she wants to. Instead, she says lightly, "Well, you must be used to it, huh? You said earlier you've carried me like this before." 

Daryl makes a grunt of affirmation, "Y'liked it when I carried ya." 

"I do like it. Saves my boots from gettin' more scuffed," she beams, and he rolls his eyes with a tiny smirk. She likes making him smirk, too. It's almost like a challenge, getting Daryl Dixon to show some sort of smile. 

The sun's almost down when Rick comes back to address the group. The man is at Rick's side, and he seems happy enough. Beth is glad no fighting is going to break out - she's seen enough violence for one day. Rick looks suspicious, sure, but he does look tired, and like he's ran out of options. 

"Aaron has a safe place we can stay at," Rick says, and Daryl's hold tightens on her. "The sun is setting. We can't stay out here, not with a baby and a woman who just had brain surgery."

"Where is it?" Daryl demands gruffly, "I ain't goin' nowhere yet." 

"Here," Aaron says, a spring in his step as he comes forward and extends a map to Daryl. Daryl raises his eyebrow, glaring, "Hands are full." 

"Oh! Right," Aaron unfolds the map and holds it up to Daryl's eye-level, and Beth sneaks a peek too. He taps an 'X', "Right here. It's a community - we have homes, doctors, medicine. I-It's the closest thing to society I've seen in a long time, we-"

"Doctors, huh?" Daryl murmurs, nose twitching. "How far?" 

"We have a car. We could get there by morning-"

"Who's we?" Michonne asks, not unkindly, but not trusting either. Aaron blinks, then clears his throat, "My boyfriend is nearby. He's the only one I brought - we brought cars here." 

"I think this is the best option we have for our situation," Rick rubs the beard on his chin. He looks at Aaron, and then his gaze hardens quicker than Beth ever imagined it could, and he looks incredibly intimidating, "We are trusting you, Aaron. If you break that - if anyone here gets hurt, or this goes wrong - you will be the first to pay for it. We clear?" 

Aaron swallows, and nods dutifully, "I promise, this isn't anything other than me trying to help people. I-I know that's not something you come across every day in this world, but...we're trying to help bring some humanity back." 

Daryl carries her the rest of the way to the two cars, Aaron driving one and his boyfriend driving the other. He gently lifts her into Aaron's car, and he sits on her right, with Maggie in the front and Rick and Judith on Daryl's other side. The car pulls out, and the drive begins in silence. Beth doesn't know why she feels so nervous all of a sudden, but she finds herself slipping her hand into Daryl's, as if that'll calm her down. He doesn't pull his hand away or look at her strange - he just keeps staring ahead, but he laces his fingers with hers and squeezes. 

Something about this seems very familiar. 

Beth sees a flash - a flash of a grassy field in front of her, and her heartbeat in her ears. She's scared, and they're alone, but her hand is in Daryl's and it's keeping her head on her shoulders. Another flash - he teaches her how to shoot a crossbow, his rough voice soft in her ear as she stares nervously in front of her.  _I'm gettin' good at this. Pretty soon I won't need you at all_ , she says to him as she holds up his bow. 

"Was I good at the crossbow?" Beth squeezes his hand and whispers. Daryl looks at her now, eyes surprised and mouth slightly opened. He blinks, and then nods wordlessly. 

"Weren't bad," he replies. "You...you remember that?" 

"Just did, when I started holdin' your hand," she says softly. She can see wheels in Daryl's head turning rapidly, and he just nods again stupidly. 

"You tired?" he asks, to which of course she nods. "Why don'tcha go on and get some sleep, then?" 

"Tomorrow's probably gonna be a long day," Beth yawns, laying her head on Daryl's shoulder and closing her eyes. He grumbles in response, squeezing her hand again, his leg bouncing restlessly. She doesn't mind it, though. Being this close to him makes her feel that familiar sense of safe, and she drifts off to sleep as the car carries them away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter ft. Rick being way more chill about Aaron than he was in the series (he is double-desperate, with Beth's surgery and his baby on the line)

**Author's Note:**

> Dun dun dunn! What happened between Daryl and Beth? Will Maggie ever forgive Daryl for losing her sister? Will Beth even wake up, and how has she been affected? More questions to be answered!


End file.
